Great Books For Life - Quora

Great Books For Life - Quora - Vince - [Cut and Paste]

1: Practice finding the right environment
2. Practice self-awareness
3. Practice self-control
4: Practice seeing people for who they are
5. Practice empathy
6. Practice making mistakes
7. Practice working hard…really hard
8. Practice learning how to learn

Here are eight books that will help you with this practice:

1. Managing Oneself by Peter F. Drucker
[Thing 1: Practice finding the right environment]
“ Amazingly few people know how they get things done. Indeed, most of us do not even know that different people work and perform differently. Too many people work in ways that are not their ways, and that almost guarantee nonperformance.”
Finding out in what environment and what methods help you perform your best will be vital to your success.
Here are 5 questions you need to ask yourself to help you find the right environment:
1. Am I a reader or a listener? – Do you learn by listening to someone talking to you or would you rather be alone and read the information that you need to learn.
2. Do I work better as a decision maker or an adviser? -  Do you have a strength of putting ideas together or putting people together?
3. Do I perform well under stress?
4. Do I need a schedule to stay on tasks?
5. Do I work better with others or do I work better alone?

2. Emotional intelligence: Why it can mater more than IQ by Daniel Goleman
[Thing 2: Practice self-awareness]
“At best, IQ contributes about 20 percent to the factors that determine success, which leaves 80 percent to other forces.”
What are these other forces?
Self control, zeal, persistence and the ability to motivate oneself or what Daniel Goleman calls Emotional Intelligence.
So why is emotional intelligence important to success?
Emotional intelligence is important your success because of the relationship between your prefrontal cortex and your limbic system. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for logical thinking, future planning, personality regulation and keeping you from getting a tattoo on your face. On the other hand the limbic system is responsible for your emotions and if not kept in check it can persuade you that, getting a tattoo on your face is a good idea.
So what is the best way to raise emotional intelligence?
Self-awareness.
Without out a doubt the best to slowly increase your emotional intelligence is to start to develop the practice of becoming a non-judgmental observer of your thoughts and emotions.
If do this, you’ll avoid having to go to community college because the price of diapers just went up.

3. The Marshmallow Test: Why self-control is the engine of success by Walter Mischel
[Thing 3: Practice self-control]
In the book Emotional Intelligence one of the “other factors” that Daniel Goleman talks about that is a major part of emotional intelligence is self-control.
Walter Mischel agrees:
“Self-control is crucial for the successful pursuit of long-term goals. It is equally essential for developing the self-restraint and empathy needed to build caring and mutually supportive relationships.”
Earlier I mentioned that the prefrontal cortex is responsible for rational thinking while the limbic system is responsible for our emotions.
What I alluded to, but did not mention is that the battle for self-control rests solely on this relationship. The prefrontal cortex thinks that getting a tattoo on your face may hurt your chances of getting into Harvard Medical school, but the limbic system is telling you that the Harvard admissions board is probably not as uptight as they used to be.
So how do you tame the limbic system without turning into a member of the Vulcan clan?
In short… cognitive reappraisal
Mischel explains that if we can change which system (Moving from the limbic system to the prefrontal cortex) our brain is using to think about the temptation, then we will have a better time resisting the temptation and expressing more self-control.
Cognitive reappraisal is the process of changing your perception of a certain temptation. So it is not the actual stimulus that you are attracted to, but is the value you place on the stimulus that you are attached to.
Next time, you want to hit the snooze button on your alarm clock and get a little more sleep, imagine that someone just farted on your pillow, and then you will see how easy it will be to resist the temptation of putting your head back on that pillow.
This is not new; Marcus Aurelius also used this method to resist temptations.
In his books “Meditations” he explains his technique for resisting temptations is just to analyze the elements that compose the temptation

4. In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and dealing with Manipulative People By George K. Simon
[Thing 4: Practice seeing people for who they are]
Let’s use fake names for this story.
While in dental school I once witnessed Stacy back Melissa into a corner and threaten to beat the sh*t out of Melissa.
You see, a week before this Melissa witnessed Stacy cheating on an exam well let me rephrase that the entire class knew that Stacy cheated on exams but Melissa had a reason for blowing the whistle on Stacy
Both Melissa and Stacy wanted to specialize in Oral Surgery. But one of the requirements to becoming an oral surgeon is having a very class rank (maybe top 5%).
And every exam that Stacy cheated on made it harder for Melissa to achieve her goals in an honest way.
So what happened?
Well, Melissa did get admitted to an oral surgery residency and achieved this by drinking a gallon of coffee a day and studying until her eye’s bled.
And Stacy?
Well, she also became an oral surgeon but she this did this by cheating, threatening other students and manipulating professors.
George K. Simon would classify this Stacy as a Covert-Aggressive.
Dr. Simon defines a covert aggressive as:
“Someone who fights for what they want and seeks power over others in subtle, cunning and underhanded ways.”
While most covert-aggressive personalities are not sociopaths, it is important to understand that covert aggressive are not behaving badly because they are hurting on the inside, they are actually behaving badly because this is the only way they know how to get what they want.
Here are five personality traits that you might have that make very easy for covert aggressive personalities to gain power over you.
1. Naiveté
2.Over-conscientiousness
3.Low- self-confidence
4.Over-intellectualization
5.Emotional dependency:
In my opinion, the best way to deal with a covert-aggressive is to get as far away from them as possible.

5. Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion by George J. Thompson
[Thing 5: Practice Empathy]
“Here is the bottom line of all communication: Empathy absorbs tension. It works every time. I have seen it even save a life.”
Empathy is the highest form of intelligence. Empathy gives you power. Empathy is your ticket to success and the good new is: Empathy can be learned.
How can empathy be learned?
Learning empathy is very easy. All you have to do is ask yourself one question:
“How would I feel if I was in their position?”
As I write this post I am constantly asking myself four versions of this question:
If I was 20 years old…
1. would I find these books helpful?
2. would I spend 15-20 minutes reading this post?
3. would I find this post entertaining and informative?
4. would I find the humor too offensive?

6.Mind-set: The new psychology of success by Carol Dweck
[Thing 6: Practice making mistakes]
“The growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts. Although people may differ in every which way- in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests or temperaments-everyone can change and grow through application and experience.”
One of the biggest, if not the biggest reason for all of the anxiety, depression, frustration, and anger I suffered through in my early twenties was due to my mind-set.
In my early twenties I had developed a fixed-mind set, which prevented me from learning from any of my mistakes or taking any personal responsibility.
Every mistake I made was a fatal blow to my intelligence. I could NOT take a joke, but I had no problem making jokes at other peoples’ expense. I would constantly ruminate about the unfairness of the world, about the stupidity of other people and constantly complain about my lack of success.
I remember as freshmen in college I decided I was going to switch my major from nursing to biology.
Instead of taking any responsibility for my own educational path, I e-mailed the head of the biology department and asked him to send me a list of what classes I should take and in what order so I can graduate in the shortest amount of time possible.
(I know…I am currently cringing as I write this)
He e-mailed me back and said,
“If you don’t have the skills to figure out what classes you need to graduate, you don’t have to skills to get a degree in biology.”
At the time I was offended, but looking back I wish this professor would have found me on campus, kicked me in the stomach and gave me the stone cold stunner.
But one can only dream….

7. The 10X rule: The only difference between success and failure
[Thing 7: Practicing working hard….really hard]
“ The 10x rule is based on the understanding how much effort and thought are required to get anything done successfully. Chances are that if you look back over your life, you’ll see that you have wildly underestimated both the actions and reasoning necessary to accomplish any endeavor to the point where it could be labeled successful.”
I made a mistake 3 years ago that still haunts me today.
If you have made it this far into my answer you are well aware of my youthful-stupidity.
Three years ago I told everyone. My friends, my family, random people who I wanted to impress, my girlfriend (now wife) that I was writing a book.
This is how the conversation would go
Victim: Hey, Vince how is it going?
Vince: Great.
Victim: (Oh I guess he isn’t going to ask how I am…this guy is a jerk)…I’m good too…thanks for asking
Vince: Oh yeah cool.
Victim: (Looks like I’m responsible for this conversation) What’s new?
Vince: I am writing this book; it’s going to be awesome. It’s a mix of Stoicism, Buddhism, with the theoretical construct of the unity of the Trivium method mixed with humor, wit and a powerful message of universal contentedness.
Victim: Oh cool man can’t wait to read it. (you are such an idiot!)
Three years later
Victim: Hey Vince, how is that book coming?
Vince: Oh that book, you still remember that?
Victim: Yeah man, it sounded like it was going to be an instant best seller and that it was probably going to sell more copies than the Bible. So is it out yet? Can I read it?
Vince: No not yet….I had to back track and due a bit more research …
Victim: Oh..(Vince is such an idiot…I’m going to ask about this book every time I see him to make sure he knows how dumb he is.)
And they do…they always do…
The moral of the story is: anything you want to accomplish in life will take 10x the time, 10x the money and 10x the effort. If you understand this you won’t find yourself at your 10 year high school reunion trying to explain to people why you  aren’t driving a Ferrari yet.

8. Mastery: The keys to success and long-term fulfillment by George Leonard
[Thing 8: Practicing Learning how to learn]
“ Mastery isn’t reserved for the super talented or even for those who are fortunate enough to have gotten an early start. It’s available to anyone who is willing to get on the path and stay on it-regardless of age, sex or previous experience.”
As you progress through your twenties and start to enter your early thirties you going to notice that your friends are going to start to fall into two categories.
1) Friends that understand mastery
2) Friends that do not understand mastery
The divide will seem small at first, but will grow exponentially as each year passes.
The friends that do not understand mastery will spend their twenties jumping from job to job, complaining that their bosses don’t respect them, their coworkers don't understand them and they just want to find a job they have passion for. These people may make a decent sum of money in their twenties, but they are making the fatal error of not developing a rare and value skill set that will help them succeed in the future.
The friends that understand mastery will spend their twenties learning and learning how to learn. They won’t complain that their bosses don’t respect them, because they will be too busy learning how to develop the skills to earn the boss’s respect. They won’t be complaining that their co-workers don’t understand them, because they will be too busy learning the skills of social intelligence to earn their understanding, they won’t be complaining that they just don’t have a passion for their job, because they will be too busy learning the skills on how to build a great career that they do have passion for.
If you do not surrender to mastery now, don’t be surprised if you turn 30 and realized that you are not better how then you were when you were 20.